You know I have had this blog on my to-do list for so long now it’s not even worth saying how long. My intentions are there and well-meaning – and then stuff happens, and at a blog meet-up in August it was mentioned that a blog post should always have an image that reflected the topic (eeekkk! this kept me from posting) and the post should be short (well I don’t think I am ever quite going to attain that) and then of course, life gets in the way.
So here I sit 3 days into Term 4 – as I started working at a school in July (I will give the lowdown on this at some stage) – I now count my year in terms after which there are these glorious little or not so little breaks. I started at the beginning of Term 3 and it was a shock to the system – headlong into events, admissions and much more. Being the first time I had been back to work nearly 4 months it was pretty hard going and exhausting, and there were a few days I wobbled and faltered and fell. But I made it. Term 4, although a “mere” 8 weeks is proving to be a shock to the system but in an altogether different way. There is so much to do, so much I should be doing and so much I would like to do that there just isn’t enough time. And already 3 days in I can feel myself faltering … sigh…as I try and understand how this term works for the first time and try and make sure it runs smoothly and efficiently.
And to add to the shock and excitement – my 3 little trolls started at the school on Monday morning. A big, and not altogether wanted (from their side), change as they move from a small co-ed school to a much larger, more formal, boys school. Blazers, shirts and ties, early rising and travelling with mom to and from school are all new for them. And I must say I am immensely proud of how well they have embraced their new school and its different environment. I am so very happy with our decision and am confident once the boys have settled in they will flourish.
As the final months of this year loom ahead I am reminded that this journey started around this time last year. Twelve months later, a breakdown, severe depression and a new job later and here I am. Stronger in many ways, different but the same too. It is almost as if during the past 7 months I have evolved into the “me” I always wanted to be – braver, stronger, more confident, and above all more accepting of just who I am. This in itself is a major change for me after my more than 40 years on the planet – I am finally allowing myself to be comfortable in my own skin (this is MAJOR) and accepting of what I stand for, my strengths, my weaknesses and lastly to go with my gut. Allowing myself to be booked – by a psychiatrist no less – for 6 weeks was no small feat, and coming back from the bottom of a black hole took energy, courage, strength and perseverance and facing some (not all) of my shadows and demons has been emotionally heart breaking and exhausting. But, I have done it. Little by little, step by step, with the support and kindness of my family and friends.
With only 74 days until Christmas, my journey year is coming to a close, or more correctly – this year of my journey – and amongst the worry, the stress, the exhaustion and sense of being over whelmed – there is a light, a sense of achievement as I look at just how far I have come this year. I don’t believe my journey is over, and it is a little exciting discovering who I am and seeing the braver, more confident person emerge.
Now please excuse me while I go and put my big girl brooks on and tackle this term!